Why I’ll Never Again Post About My Relationships On Social Media

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up almost a year ago, but I’m still receiving messages from strangers asking how and why. When we first met, almost six years ago, Instagram barely existed. Young and in love, we uploaded selfies with sappy captions about how much we adored each other.

As our relationship progressed from one year to three to five, we kept posting. As with most millennials, social media became an extension of our lives — and we were the biggest part of each others’ — so evidence of our relationship was everywhere.

Because of how public we were on social media, nearly every time I ventured out of my house without him, at least one person would ask where or how he was. I found it kind of annoying; we weren’t attached at the hip, after all. But I had no idea how much worse it would be once we were done.

A breakup is hard enough without an audience. I am by no means Kim Kardashian, but for the first time I began to understand what it must feel like to have so much scrutiny on your personal life. When we called it quits last summer, in addition to the heartbreak over losing my best friend, I found myself overly concerned with what other people might say. How could I explain that #relationshipgoals weren’t a real thing? That everything was temporary, including this.

Before social media, breakups came with their own set of problems: How do you divide your belongings? Your friends? Do you continue going to all those places — bars, restaurants, coffee shops — you used to go to together?

love social media 2

With social media, the problems increase. Do you delete all those photos that now make you cringe? Do you unfollow each other? How to avoid making indirect mentions of your ex or the breakup when it’s all you think about?

After the breakup, I took a leave from social media and from real life for a few weeks. When I resurfaced, I fended off questions about him, regretting the front-row seat we’d given everyone in our expanded social circle.

Popping up in the comments under my photos, into my Twitter direct messages, on my WhatsApp and in my face IRL, practical strangers were dragging me aside at parties, seemingly incensed and asking why the hell we broke up. “You guys were like Bonnie and Clyde!” one person told me. “But you guys were perfect!” another said, all of them wanting answers, some even attempting to wade in and repair what couldn’t be fixed.

When you’re hurting from a breakup, none of this is very nice to deal with. Not to mention the fact that it was none of their business.

Read the rest on The Washington Post.

What do you think? Do you post about your relationships on social media? Let me know in the comments below xx

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26 Comments
  • Katherine
    Posted at 19:47h, 08 March Reply

    I’ve never been one to put relationships all over social media and I think what you said is exactly why. Thanks for sharing this!

    http://www.myclusterofthoughts.com/

  • Christina
    Posted at 21:15h, 08 March Reply

    I totally see where you’re coming from! There are definitely parts of a relationship that are best kept to yourself. It seems more special that way while you’re in it too. Thanks for sharing!

    Best,
    Christina
    Looks by Lau

  • King Tom$ta
    Posted at 04:04h, 09 March Reply

    I think that you’re a bombshell !! and now that I know you are single again Im going to put the mack down on you so hard the next time I see you when ever that will be !!

    great read by the way except for the following line:
    “Some guys I’ve been interested in — and as far as I know, have been interested in me — have even kept their distance, saying that it’s out of respect for the love they saw on social media. As if they fear they won’t be able to measure up.”

    So not true – those guys are just are just shy and weak to say how they really feel. If you really like a girl and you can sense the chemistry or vibes between the 2 of you then it doesn’t matter if your ex was Brad Pitt or Trey Songz and you had pics all over social media together, now that its over I should just grow a pair and tell you I fancy you!! that’s the difference between an Alpha and a beta male!! The Alpha sees what he wants and doesn’t hesitate to drop the mack!

  • Dominique
    Posted at 08:29h, 09 March Reply

    This is such an interesting post and I definitely think we’re all prone to oversharing on social media, whether it be relationships or anything else. It’s good to remind ourselves to reign it in sometimes. xx

    http://www.thatnewdress.com
    Dominique recently posted…I Love Mr Mittens x Wool and the GangMy Profile

  • sonia // daring coco
    Posted at 08:33h, 09 March Reply

    I think it’s even harder to seperate these days because of social media, or at least even more brutal. I always find the first thing people do is remove every visible trace of their ex from their feeds as if doing so is the end all.

    Sxx
    http://www.daringcoco.com14
    sonia // daring coco recently posted…EATING AT // JIMMY GRANTSMy Profile

  • Ashley
    Posted at 15:47h, 09 March Reply

    I try to limit sharing too much of my relationship on social media- the occasional photo is a-okay with me, but gushing + oversharing is a no-go.

    -Ashley
    Le Stylo Rouge
    Ashley recently posted…Oversized Striped Shirt with Ruffles.My Profile

  • Lou M.
    Posted at 17:28h, 09 March Reply

    Great post, completely agree, that’s exactly why I avoid making too much of my social life public in social media, specially my relationships

    Technicolor ♥ Heart

  • Atsuna Matsui
    Posted at 21:45h, 09 March Reply

    I’m sorry that you still get bombarded by strangers about your relationship status with your ex. I’d hate that as well, which is why I don’t declare my Facebook status as being in a relationship as well. Some things are best left private.

    http://www.atsunamatsui.com

  • Rina
    Posted at 06:52h, 10 March Reply

    I’m hoping I’m safe to post on Social media as I’ve been married to my hubby for 4 years and together for a total of 11 years. He’s actually been a part of some of my recent blog posts too. Plus I could never let him go, he takes all my photos for me =P LOL!

    xoxo
    Rina Samantha
    http://www.andshedressed.com
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  • Rena
    Posted at 09:59h, 10 March Reply

    I post normally only very less in this context …
    xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena
    http://www.dressedwithsoul.com

  • Maray
    Posted at 10:03h, 10 March Reply

    Great post!
    Kisses!

    http://www.alasdeangel.net
    Maray recently posted…C A P A SMy Profile

  • Merel
    Posted at 13:05h, 10 March Reply

    I have always kept my relationship private, but I can understand you would want to post #couplegoals pictures on Instagram. Love seeing these pictures on Instagram but I think it is always best to limit these kind of pictures to avoid all the questions.

    Loved reading your blogpost babe.

    X Merel
    http://www.andathousandwords.com
    Merel recently posted…A little Matcha break during NYFWMy Profile

  • Adriana R.
    Posted at 23:16h, 10 March Reply

    I totally understand you! You deserve your privacy. <3

  • Gail
    Posted at 07:58h, 12 March Reply

    I think I posted many photos when I was with my ex, and it led me to the end of the relationship. Therefore, I have never posted any of my bf pic on my Instagram (Only on personal Facebook) Because I think I have only used Instagram for branding my blog.

    http://www.thequinoxfashion.com/

  • Настя
    Posted at 19:28h, 13 March Reply

    Wonderful and perfect! I follow you blog, please follow me too. http://alamodenatine.blogspot.com

  • Patricia
    Posted at 10:32h, 14 March Reply

    Hope you are well now. I prefer no post about my relationship on Instagram 😉
    xoxo
    https://www.donkeycool.es/
    Patricia recently posted…Rebelión en la granja: medias de rejilla, camiseta blanca y corsetMy Profile

  • Immy May
    Posted at 12:46h, 14 March Reply

    Loved this girl. It has made me think, it is also just nice to keep it to yourself too. Enjoy it for yourself as that is what it’s there for! Immy x

    http://www.immymay.com

  • Dresscape
    Posted at 13:00h, 14 March Reply

    Thanks for sharing this highly interesting piece!

    xx

    Claire from Dresscape
    http://www.dresscape.com

  • Anouk
    Posted at 19:29h, 14 March Reply

    I try not to because some things should remain private…

    ANOUK
    Anouk recently posted…IT WAS IN LONDONMy Profile

  • Nataliya
    Posted at 20:50h, 15 March Reply

    It’s true- things are tough enough without the added audience. The things I posted on Facebook remained on facebook and I never brought it out on another social media platform thankfully. I try to keep things cordial, and ultimately the wound heals and it’s easier to reference back to the memories.

    xo
    N
    Style Tomes ||ST on IG

  • Amy-Anne Williams
    Posted at 13:35h, 16 March Reply

    This is so true. With every relationship I’ve been in I’ve posted cutesey things about them on Instagram – only to break up a year later or so and not only have a reminder of what happened everytime I went online, everyone that followed me could probably guess what happened also. With the relationship I’m currently in, I’ve posted things on Instagram but never a photo, instead just normal photos with captions about being happy. Maybe still evident to my followers, but a lot easier to deal with.

    Amy;
    My Latest Post

  • Kelly
    Posted at 15:13h, 16 March Reply

    I’m sorry to hear about your break up and I know personally how tough that can be. It’s a bit ridiculous and when people keep asking about it, it only makes it worse. Thank you for being so raw and so real. Your strength shines thru in this post. I have a feeling you are so much stronger than even you realize.. 🙂

    XOXO
    kellmenow | http://www.kellmenow.com/advice/2017/3/12/on-being-confident
    Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/kell_menow/

  • yasmin
    Posted at 05:59h, 17 March Reply

    I’ve never posted on social media about a relationship, but I can imagine that it must be tough having to relive a breakup, especially with strangers.

    xx Yasmin
    http://banglesandbungalows.com
    yasmin recently posted…Striped Dresses for SpringMy Profile

  • Itzy Canales
    Posted at 16:19h, 17 March Reply

    I agree! It’s probably better to keep things for mystery because social media makes things messy. Love how you used the Chuck & Blair photo.

    xx, Itzy
    LeBellaGypsy.com l Instagram

  • Rosy
    Posted at 08:38h, 18 March Reply

    I can’t believe people thought it was appropriate to do such a thing, no one should ever butt into your private life, that’s just crossing some serious boundaries. I hope you’ve managed to fend off the nosy creatures.

    Rosy | Sparkles of Light Blog
    My Instagram | Instagram
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  • Eva
    Posted at 15:19h, 19 March Reply

    I can understand how annoying & frustrating it will be when all you are trying is to move on. Well social media can be mean sometimes. As for me, I refrain from it.

    xoxo Eva | http://www.evakindles.com
    Eva recently posted…EXCITEMENTMy Profile

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